Oranges and carrots can be said to be the best of friends in the world of fruits. They make a great glass of orange-carrot fruit juice when blended together in the juicer. But what if one day, the oranges were replaced by grapefruits (which appear to look exactly like oranges but taste bitter and sour)?
Crystal and Elaine were the best of friends whom hit off really well, just like oranges and carrots. However, after Crystal got appointed as the band major (one with the most authority in the band other than the teachers and instructors), Elaine could sense changes in Crystal. Crystal became aloof. In fact, when Elaine had something to discuss or share with Crystal, she always gave the nonchalant attitude. As time goes by, Elaine started to feel uncomfortable and became tongue-tied whenever she is with Crystal. Thus, whenever they had the opportunity to be with each other, Elaine will come up with an excuse to make a move in other to avoid the awkwardness between them. Furthermore, Elaine started to feel inferior, especially during band practices. This is mainly because she only holds a small position in the band whereas her used-to-be best friend was the band major.
This made life difficult for Elaine, but she did not make any effort to salvage this friendship. She chose to play the “avoiding” game. If you were her friends or in her shoes, what will you do? Play the “avoiding” game or make an effort to clarify the matter with Crystal?
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6 comments:
Hi michelle, I think the conflict scenario that you had brought up is quite relevant in our context. Most people always love to stay in our comfort zone, especially between friends. Thus, some of them are uncomfortable when there are some sudden changes due to external factors. In this case, Elaine is one such example as she felt that she is not good enough to be crystal's friend after crystal was promoted to be the new band major. In my opinion, I feel that Elaine might be abit over-sensitive and paranoid, till the extent that she is doubting her friendship with crystal. She can try to build up her confidence in herself and try to explain her concerns to crystal, instead of guessing what crystal thinks about her. Avoiding is not a good solution as it would only delay and worsen the problem. Facing the problem is the best way to clarify any doubts, so as to move on and understand crystal better.
Friendship and relationship is about being true and honest to each other, thus, open communication is the best way to maintain and sustain it. I hope my thoughts and solutions are helpful in solving this interpersonal conflict.
What does Elaine want then? Does she still want to continue this friendship, to find out what's wrong? Talking to Crystal will definitely help, but to what purpose? If she just wants the friendship to die, perhaps this way it will go quietly.
Hi Michelle
Adding up to Jiahao and Weili's comments, friend can help them by talking to Crystal and listen how she really feels, then go back to Elaine, or even arrange for them two to meet.
At some points of our life, we may change into someone irritating . It is not that we want it, but we are just not aware of it. If Elaine is still concerned of her relationship with Crystal, she may need be patient until Crystal finally notices what happened and change for the better.
Jiahao mentioned a point that I left out, that is Elaine may be paranoid. With personal experience, I found out in many places, the ones who are at the top are almost always hated. My secondary school class (first class) was hated, my school (top school in KL) was hated and even people from Kuala Lumpur (largest city in Malaysia) were hated. But I know clearly that my classmates, schoolmates and fellow KL-ites are not as bad as what the rumours said!
If there is still nothing that can be done at the moment, at least make sure Elaine has sufficient emotional support =)
Hi michelle, i think the stuff that elaine is feeling are all one-sided! If elaine still wants the friendship, she should start by asking the rest of the people how they feel about crystal. See if they too feel that there is a change in her. If so, it would be best to have a talk with her and let her know your feelings. If elaine needs any form of emotional support, then i guess asking around would be just the support she needs to clarify this potential misunderstanding =)
Weili asked a relevant question. What does Elaine want?
I like the way you introduce this problem story with an analogy and then succinctly present the actual scenario.
A few verb tense problems interfere with communication. Otherwise, this is fairly clear and concise. Thanks!
Hi, Michelle, I agree with Miko that she probably can talk to rest of their common friends to detect any changes in Crystal. Sometimes, it is just Elaine's emotion playing a trick on her mind. I have encounter similar situation too. Sometimes, if there's abrupt change that occurs in my friend, I may start to think illogically. May be it is just the fact that I need to adapt to changes that take place in my friends. It may apply to Elaine too. If I were Elaine, I would hang out with Crystal more, so that I could learn more from her as she was already elected to be in band major. There must be things that can be found in Crystal but not in Elaine which renders her to be in band major.
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